Half-Life Full-life Consequences: Free Man

Sexual desire and pleasure is our birthright. After all, we were invented naked and with dissimilar genitals. There ought to have been a plan in mind. We are sexual beings from the day we’re born until the day we die. Sex is rudimentary to our lives and seems to be the area of life that most deeply touches our most personal issues. Our sexuality is a core expression of who we are. We may hide with sex, we may hide from sex, but we cannot be completely ourselves sexually and hide.

Why have sex? Well, it is well known that sex enhances our lives in multiple ways, both psychologically and physically.

Health gains include lower blood pressure, overall stress reduction, higher levels of antibodies so less colds and flews, burns calories, good exercise, improves cardiovascular health, boosts self-esteem, releases endorphins which makes physical pain decline and helps lift depression; reduces peril of prostate cancer; promotes sleep.

Interpersonally, good sex may be only 20% of a good kinship (80% when it’s bad), but it’s a necessary 20%. Orgasm increments the level of oxytocin, a hormone that allows us to nurture and to bond. Hence, sex increments love and connection even on a strictly biological basis. Sex is an arena that is queer and particular to a couple. We let ourselves be known to our sexual collaborator in a way that we don’t part with any individual else.

A couple who has a satisfying sex life is more competent to formulate and sustain a long-term loving relationship. It is well known that people in stable relationships are thought to be more procreative in their jobs, have better health and live longer.

The most rewarding sexual experiences are much more rich, diverse, and originative than the “get it up, get it in” approach. And sexual responsiveness has utterly not one thing to do with being capable to meet the culture’s prototype of sexual attractiveness. Rather, it grows from connections of hearts, minds, and bodies. Truly good sex begins with a willingness to be open and vulnerable and to give and receive pleasure and fostering freely. The psychological capacity to share intimacy, both physical and emotional, is necessary for good sex, but being intimate (as we’ll talk about later) is an art that confuses and even terrifies galore individuals.

Good sex, then, is a complex concoction of openness and secrecy, risk and control, personal gratification and mutual fulfillment. Good sex requires an capacity to be wholly immersed in the moment (which is difficult for most people), ever-present to the sensuality of ourselves, our collaborator and our lives.

Sustaining a healthy, balanced sex life requires mindful attention to our senses, to the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual dimensions of ourselves, as well as our kinship with our partners. We will have to KNOW OURSELVES (“KNOW THYSELF”) to know what we want and need sexually. Then we need to have the courage and self-assurance to commune these desires to our partner, even in the face of possible rejection. Also, we need to have relinquished a heap of of the layers of narcissistic self-consciousness that, when young, may have prevented us from being genuinely attuned to another person’s reality and needs.

What I’m saying is: good sex requires PSYCHOLOGICAL MATURITY (which we all have because we’ve lived for a while now and have learned a great deal of things along the way.)

Mature lovers are more likely to experience not just satisfying sex, but are more likely to experience sexual ecstasy. Certain states may take place in sex where the boundaries of self are suspended in merger with the “other”. This kind of, well, self-transcendence, may open the channels to experiencing a sense of a broader, more universal connection.

Let’s see what the dictionary says when it comes to “ecstasy”: rapturous delight; intense joy; mental transport or rapture from the contemplation of divine things; displacement; trance; a shared sense of being taken or moved out of one’s self or one’s normal state, and entering a state of intensified sensations so powerful as to construct a trance-like dissociation from all but the single powerful emotion; this trance or rapture is related with mystical exaltation.

Eastern societies routinely equate sexual ecstasy with spiritual enlightenment. Only in Western civilizations is there a chasm amongst sex and God.

So, it’s all good, right? Everything from letting down your blood pressure to experiencing mystical exaltation points to the fact that sex is a good thing.

But if it’s such a good thing, why are so galore persons not having sex?..or are subject to respective sexual dysfunctions, compulsions or perversions?

The fact is that few of us will ever seize the probability to explore the full range of our sexual possibilities. One writer I read referred to those who achieve the heights of sexual feeling of satisfaction as “the blessed few”.

Why so few? According to a recent survey, one in five Americans is not mesmerized in sex. According to recent estimates, more than one-third of the women in the United States have difficulties with low sexual desire. Even this statistic may be low, as persons may be embarrassed to respond to the interviewer honestly. “Diminished sexual desire” in women, considered by numerous to be an epidemic, is the diagnosis “du jour” for a good deal of sex researchers and therapists.

The loss of sexual desire may undermine a person’s sensing of herself, her kinship to her body and may cause an irreparable strain in her relationship. Chances are if her excitement for sex is diminished, her excitement for life in usual is in some way compromised.

So why are there only the “blessed few”? One in five is “not interested”???? A third to a half of American women has no desire for sex???? What’s wrong with this picture? Why are so few persons actually mesmerized in having sex, exploring it, heightening it?

There are many, galore reasons that humans eschew sexual pleasure.

First, there are societal/cultural/religious influences. We live in a sex-negative culture. For instance, most Western societies do not support sexual education and development. Parents are still battling to eliminate whatsoever beleaguered sex education courses are offered in the schools (which, by the way, focus on procreation exclusively), stating that educating children in regards to sex is the purview of the home. Yet, in the homes, silence is the order of the day and kids are still left to figure it out for themselves.

When children are left to their own devices, they are subjected to misinformation from peers and their own fantasies regarding what sex is. If they become fixated at these levels, there’s more of a probability that they’ll grow up with sure sexual problems. (perversions, dysfunctions and compulsions)

Western culture has throughout history done much to injure sexuality. Vestiges of the Victorian and Puritan eras, with their special and significant stress on completely generative sex and uneasiness with the idea of sexual pleasure, still resonate with a good deal of people, at least on an unconscious level. Sex is evil; sex is sin and eternal damnation.

(which has been a huge problem in the Christian community all around history, and still may resonate down from our own parents’ generation).

Today, we have the “free love” of the 70′s behind us, a growing understanding of sexuality in the mental health field, the significance of the women’s motion and the affect of the communications industry which have combined to break down galore barriers to sexual understanding. But we STILL live in a sex-negative culture. The sexual terrain of our times, in particular after AIDS, is filled with fear, uncertainty and reactivity – for “normal” people, never mind neurotics, homosexuals, substitute sexualities (BDSM), cross-dressers, persons who hug polyamory rather than monogamy,– AND for the baby-boomers who are attempting to forge a new paradigm for sexy aging.

We still get mixed messages from the culture with regards to sex. We’re still confused. “Sex is dirty, save it for somebody you love.” Does sex have to be illicit for it to be good? Sex belongs as portion of a committed relationship, which connotes high values but low passion. Honor and virtue do not seem to combine well with hot, trembling, lusty sex. Men in this culture still suffer from the “Madonna/Whore Complex”. Some men choose both but will have to be dishonest when it comes to it, thence making a tear in the fabric of the integrity of their primary relationship.

Then there’s the societal influence of new technology. The permeating influence of cybersex/pornography on men’s capacity to attach and bond to a real, critical woman is a substantial barrier to sexual intimacy. Divorce attorneys from the American Bar Association report that a whopping 50% of all divorces are the result of the husband’s addiction to cybersex – that is — pornography, chat rooms, webcam sex, ads for prostitutes, dominatrixes, female bondage and humiliation, the fetish of your choice.

Women, for their part, are encouraged to adorn themselves to be sexually desirable, but not to be sexual. In their historical roles as the guardians of morality, they fail as women if they “succumb” to their (base) sexual natures and concede for the experience of sexual pleasure. Religious traditions have, in fact, been portion of this split way of understanding sexuality. The idea of sex as sin outside of marriage and sex as obligation inside of marriage is still alive in the collective unconscious and has gone far to undermine the acceptance of sexual pleasure as normal and healthy. These antiquated ideas that there is something morally perverse regarding a woman who enjoys sex are cultural imprints that unconsciously paralyze a good deal of women when they try to experience their sexual selves.

It seems to me that the media, as the messenger of cultural values, promotes the effigy of an anorexic teenager as representing the height of sexual desirability. Can’t be too thin or too young (within legal limits) to have sex appeal. People are then obsessed with living up to this unrealistic general for physical beauty being piped through the media. Women compare themselves to the unattainable, develop poor body images, and lose interest in sex.

(Ironically, physical beauty and sexual responsiveness are not interrelated. The fact is that superficial variables such as weight, age, height, facial structure OR the size of a penis make very little divergence when it comes to a person’s capacity to be sexually responsive and experience sexual passion.)

Our society likewise buys into the notion that good sex always involves intercourse and orgasm by both partners, preferably at the same time. This approach to sexuality is restrictive and unrealistic, in particular as we get older. As I’ve mentioned, sexuality is a much broader arena than getting it up, keeping it up and getting it in. An special importance and significance on intercourse and orgasm strengthens the misconception men have that women need to be desirable and men need to perform. Performance anxiety and sexual dysfunction are the usual results of an totally intercourse/orgasm approach to sex. Furthermore, the focus on genital sex exclusively limits the full range of sexual/sensual dimensions that may be experienced in addition to, or rather of, intercourse.

Some persons have “intrapsychic” conflicts regarding sexuality from having grown up with dysfunctional family dynamics. I don’t even want to think with regards to the rampant sexual abuse of young females where the perpetrator is the father or other close family member. It doesn’t get reported, the rest of the family denies it, and the girl suffers in agonizing isolation, thinking it was her fault, until adulthood when she may get numerous treatment. Certain young boys are covertly incested by their mothers: there may not have been actual sex, but the mother may have been needy, narcissistic, enmeshed, over-involved, controlling and unable to let her son “differentiate” to become the person that he ought to become. These boys may grow to be men with sexual problems.

However, the tremendous majority of sexual “shut-downs” comes from interpersonal conflicts amidst the partners. Anger, resentment guilt, hurt feelings, being shut-down and non-communicative are not the stuff upon which sexual feeling of satisfaction is built.

I think relationships go bad (and sex shuts down) (cite divorce rates) because the tremendous majority of persons have incorrect conceptions when it comes to love and intimacy. Yet, understanding intimacy is indispensable to our understanding of hot and sweaty, yet warm and tender lovemaking. Sex is, by definition, an intimate act that is intensified by the lovers knowing themselves and the other. If lovers are not capable to know and disclose their deepest needs and wants to each other, sex becomes mechanical. This kind of knowing and communication when it comes to wants, needs and fantasies requires a foundation of trust and safety that may be found in a loving relationship.

(A caveat – I have no problem with casual sex, booty calls, friends with benefits, or even “kinky” sex that’s not share of a crucial relationship. This kind of sex may be fun and satisfying (depending on whether you respect each other), but it’s something altogether dissimilar than sex in a loving, monogamous relationship.)

Many people think of intimacy in terms of sentimentality or romanticism. To do so is to falsify it. “Being in love” is also a falsification of intimacy.

“Being in love” is a genuinely a temporary state of insanity. Each person projects his/her own personal kinship agenda (established in childhood) on the other without having any real, psychological result of perception learning and reasoning of the other. Inevitably, the honeymoon is over, or persons fall “out of love”, and disillusionment sets in. We do not want to give up our fantasy and grow into the reality of genuinely loving the person “as is”. At this point, either the kinship breaks off or the couple starts to work on building a kinship based in knowing the reality of each other.

People have all sorts of incorrect conceptions regarding what “love” means. Love may mean sundry, ambiguous, neurotic and even evil things to some: Caring for, rescuing, infatuation with, dependence on, sentiment close to, sacrificing for, being a martyr to, being sexually excessively affected emotionally by, having a “trophy partner”, having control over another, being controlled by another, marrying someone who’s more or less like you’re abusive mother in order to at long last get her to change, the need for validation and wonderment from the other, or the vilely self-destructive idea that love means pain – either from physical or aroused abuse.

These kinds of ill-conceived notions when it comes to love give rise to plastic, damaging relationships in which intimacy cannot exist. These relationships may be used to manipulate others, to get our own narcissistic needs met at the expense of the other, and are in the service of other nefarious, unconscious, neurotic conflicts. Celebratory sex can’t subsist in a plastic, alienated kinship because sex at it’s fullest requires us to authentic and connected with our lover.

So what is love? “I love you” means something very concrete. It means that I surround you with a sentiment that allows you, even requires you, to be everything you in truth are as a humane being at that moment. When my love is full, you are your fullest self. I experience you not as what I expect, not what I want, not as a mannequin upon which I cloche my unconscious, infantile, needs to have a parent and stay a child. You don’t need to reflect well on me. You are not my status symbol. You are, to me…your authentic self.

We love when we not only allow, but enable, heighten and take pleasure in the “otherness” of our partner.

Being loved, being moved by another’s acceptance into knowing ourselves as we genuinely are may fetch trouble, actually. The result of knowing what issues you have that impair productivity and intimacy may be painful, but it may be worked through. We grow with it. It is in human-to-human relationships that we learn, make faults and relearn. And the crucial intimate/sexual kinship is where we may relearn most profoundly.

Love shatters roles and facades and is illuminative. The confirmation that you are loved lies in your increasing experience of being who you are. Love is unilateral…self as the one who loves actively, not so much the self who is in need of love passively. Real love requires no peculiar response from the other, so there is freedom of self expression without fear of disapproval or rejection. It is the fear of being alone (or being abandoned) that makes us dependent on the response of others, keeping us from experiencing authentic, real loving.

Let’s look at the word “intimacy”. Again, from the dictionary: the word is derived from the Latin intima, meaning “inner” or “inner-most.” Here again, it proposes that to be intimate, you need to know your real self. (KNOW THYSELF!!!) This capacity to be in touch with our inner core is a requisite to being intimate.

Our intima holds the innermost part of ourselves, our most unfathomed feelings, our enduring motivations, our values, our sense of right and faulty and our most embedded convictions in regards to life. Importantly, our intima also includes that which enables us to express these innermost distinct features of our person to “the other”.

So, to be in relationship, and to recognise yourself/your collaborator sexually, you need to recognise and respect your intima. The intima is likewise the way in which we value and respect ourselves and determines how we are with being with others. To put it simply, if don’t value yourself, you can’t value another. If you’re not conscious of needs and wants, or are shamed by them, then sex becomes no more than a fuck.

I think each person I’ve ever seen in my consulting room for sexual compulsions suffers from estrangement from his intimus. We may survive the disapproval of others. The sentiment may be painful, but it’s not one thing equated to the disapproval of ourselves. Your personal well being and your capacity to love another can not survive your dislike or disrespect of yourself. If you dislike yourself, you’ll never be comfortable with your sexuality.

It bears repeating… the outstanding quality of intimacy is the sense of being in touch with our real selves. When “the other” likewise knows and is competent to express his real self, intimacy happens. Sexuality is both an expression of that intimacy and a bond that enhances intimacy. With this kind of personal/sexual intimacy, our growth experience as people is energized, enhanced, and fueled. Intimacy is the most significant and courageous of humane experiences. It’s why persons long for it so.

However, in spite of this universal longing, the fear and avoidance of intimacy is a reality for some people. People fear and even dread that which they most long for. No wonder there’s such a demand for psychotherapists!

So why would persons fear, keep out of the way of or sabotage this terrifi thing called intimacy and, in the process, stay clear from sex.

Our capacity for intimacy is formed in the crucible of the basi two years of life. Mothers that are needy, narcissistic, depressed, enmeshed (over-involved), distant, too protective, controlling, chronically angry, addicted to substances, frustrated with their husbands and displace their needs onto their children… raise children who have the psychic imprint of closeness as being dangerous. They also raise children who will carry self-hatred into their adult lives unless they get good treatment.

As children, they developed a rigid defense scheme (boundaries, walls, turning inward to not need others) in order to psychologically survive. But what worked for them as children doesn’t work for them as adults. For these people, the vulnerability of intimacy harkens back to a time when they were vulnerable as children and they fear re-traumatization in their current relationship.

When a person like this is loved – seen in an affirmative light and encouraged to grow and alter – this rigid defensive structure is threatened, so their psychological equilibrium is disrupted. Being loved is not congruent with the negative tapes they run when it comes to themselves. They can’t grant the reality of being loved to affect their basic defensive structure. Being vulnerable and open to modify feels so threatening that they eschew close relationships and mature sexuality.

Entering into a kinship without having numerous solution of childhood wounds results in respective kinds of fear of intimacy: fear of being found inadequate, fear of engulfment, fear of the loss of control, fear of losing autonomy, fear of attack, fear of disappointment and betrayal, fear of guilt feelings and fear of rejection and abandonment.

This panoply of fears and anxieties when it comes to being close and vulnerable unquestionably is not sexy. We are most open and vulnerable when we express ourselves sexually and we need to have a secure base in ourselves and our kinship to expose ourselves in this way.

Alright. Now let’s get to the nitty-gritty. Sex and aging.

Some of those “not interested” in sex may very well be the middle-aged and the elderly. They’ve purchased into the myth that we’re supposed to stop being sexual after a sure age. The fact is, as we mature in an emotional manner and psychologically all around the lifespan, we mature sexually as well. We may look forward to the best years of our sexual lives because of that maturity. People underneath the age of 35 may look hot, but they seldom have the psychological maturity to achieve the kind of self-knowledge, intimacy skills, communication attainments and willingness to be vulnerability that underlies intense sexuality.

In order to achieve sexual feeling of satisfaction as we grow older, we have to nullify – negate – disown and disbelieve — the sex-negative cultural myths regarding sexuality and aging. Let’s look at numerous of those myths now.

· The quality of sex declines for both men and women as they age.

· If a woman does not lubricate sufficiently or a man does not become erect immediately, it’s over for them.

· Erection difficulties are inevitable and incurable without medical intervention

· Female desire declines dramatically after menopause

· Men peek in their teens…then it’s all downhill.

· Women peak in their 30′s and lose interest in sex by 45-50.

· Men and women with heart impairment of normal physiological function or other medical difficulties will have to stay clear from sexual activity

· Sex has to end in orgasm

· Intercourse is the only kind of sex that counts; everything else isn’t sex

Those are the myths. But here’s what I think: older loves are more sophisticated regarding their own/their collaborators needs, have an increased capacity to commune sexual and aroused needs; there is bettered sexual responsiveness in women and a corresponding bettered capacity to control ejaculation in men; a dandier willingness to experiment with sexual variations; far more outstanding technical proficiency as lovers with less inhibitions and an increased capacity to have fun for the duration of lovemaking.

Sex need never decrease rapidly and orgasm in both men and women has been observed in the 9th decade.

Sex is dissimilar as we age and those who are capable to retain a sense of sexual vitality are those who are competent to integrate their modified and somewhat diminished, but by no means vanished, sexuality comfortably into their lives. Men, especially, tend to leave the sexual arena because these deviations formulate feeling of annoyance at being hindered or criticized and anxiety. They compare themselves to their adolescent selves and feel defeated. The immense majority of sexual complaints of the elderly are a product of the person’s aversive psychological reaction to the normal age-related biological changes in sexual response.

Men alter with age in that the frequency and intensity of orgasm diminishes. It takes a much longer time to up for “round two”. Older men no longer experience simultaneous erection, different from much younger men who seem to be capable to get it up just by…exposure to the air. By contrast, the older man needs to receive effective stimulation by his collaborator and then is utterly capable to attain erections.

Women, after menopause, may be less competent to lubricate as freely as they once did. That doesn’t mean they’re no longer sexually responsive. All that is required is a sexual lubricate (I commend Astrogel), and they stay competent of multiple orgasmic response allround life.

Here’s a list of Hot Sex Tips, according to Dorothy.

* Don’t wait to be moved by desire or interest – concede yourself to be aroused and the desire will follow.

* Do consider some systematic way to relax and calm yourself before a sexual encounter. Anxiety is a killer of “in the moment” eroticism.

* Speaking of “in the moment”, do consider taking up galore form of meditation that trains the mind to be focalized on the present moment. The mind that is continually wandering to routine life issues for the duration of sex will not be capable to experience full sexual potential. (cite books) Being wholly in the moment likewise reduces “spectering”, which is looking at and assessing your performance, which reducing the intensity of sexual experience.

* Do proceed to cultivate your sexual accomplishments and techniques. (Cite sure readings from the list).

* People, as they age, do experience less sexual fantasies, thoughts and interest. So it’s essential to experiment with substitute (external) ways to become aroused. Different postures, sexual techniques, (erotic|sexual pleasure|sexually arousing films and videos, the use of sex toys, all result in a more imaginative and originative sex life..

* Do eat nutritionally and exercise – sentiment vigorous helps your sex life immeasurably.

* Do not smoke or drink alcohol excessively. A minimum amount of booze (no more than two drinks a day) may be an aphrodisiac: too much makes you loose (or placid and soft) and may ruin your erectile functioning. Smoking likewise effects erectile functioning in later years.

In conclusion, I invite you to meet the challenge of mature sexual intimacy, and to be and remain…the erotic, celebratory, courageous and connected person that you’re meant to be.

Half Life Full Life Consequences Free Man

Half Full is an invitation to take a pause. To sit still for a minute, put your feet up, and drink in the words and pictures that may replenish your soul and aid you to recognize your some blessings.

With 42 photographs of each day objects looked at from dissimilar angles, plus quirky, initial meditations with regards to looking on the lighter side. These mini essays are based on quotations from wise teachers all around history such as Helen Keller, Dolly Parton, Mark Twain, Winston Churchill, Emily Dickinson, Katharine Hepburn, and the author’s great-grandmother. And each and each one includes a tidbit of feed for thought, a piece of advice, or something to do, such as “Look for an prospect in a difficultness that’s been dogging you.”

Isn’t it time to give up that half-empty glass?

“Keeping ourselves optimistic isn’t in truth all that much work. And when we’re sentiment optimistic it’s a good time to stop and smell the roses, to savor, to celebrate the glass half full.” —from the introduction

Half Life Full Life Consequences Free Man Picture

Half Life Full Life Consequences Free Man Photo

Half Life Full Life Consequences Free Man Picture

Half Life Full Life Consequences Free Man Picture

Most helpful client reviews

1 of 1 humans found the following review helpful.
A lovely gift book for any who would impart a sense of wonder to others.
By Midwest Book Review
HALF FULL is more than just another book of admonitions: it offers up a series of 42 photos of each and everyday objects which comprise parts of the extraordinary, inviting readers to take the time to look and make these discoveries. Images accompany essays, meditations and sidebar quotes from such luminaries as Helen Keller, George Bernard Shaw, and Emily Dickinson, and offer a lovely gift book for any who would impart a sense of wonder to others.

Diane C. Donovan
California Bookwatch

0 of 0 humans found the following review helpful.
A Perfect Gift
By Katherine A. Jackson
What a place the world will be when we all look at our life experience as being half full! I gave this book to my children and my husband for Christmas and since have ordered it in quantities for my Gift Cupboard. The messages are pertinent, but not preachy. Significant, but not heavy. Uplifting, but not schmaltzy. This little book makes a perfective gift for friends, teachers, clients, co-workers and family…..it will speak to anybody looking for a positive lift.

0 of 0 humans found the following review helpful.
A Lovely Book!
By R. Johnson
I received this pretty book as a Christmas gift from the woman who sits next to me in our department. It was so on-target with who I am and what I’m committed to achieve in my life…I felt she was Divinely inspired to buy it for me. The tidbits are thought-provoking and inspiring. I’m sharing it today in a class I’m instructing on “Live Your Best 2008!”

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